taik's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reflecting Upon Divorce About fifteen minutes ago, I said goodbye to my ex-husband's first girlfriend and mother of his 12 year old son. There was no ill words spoken between us, we get along now. That being said and perhaps visited later, I feel a light sense of relief. My divorce was finalized during the final week of June of this year. I had filed November 22nd of 2012. I'm thankful for my divorce now and the end of a relationship I thought I knew and I thought I wanted. With almost a year's worth of therapy now in my past (and continuing), I'm thankful for the end because it's allowed me to begin. I feel far more whole as a person, divorced than I did as a woman, married. I met my now ex when I was 19. I was immature, insecure and in desire of companionship. Regardless of where we began, things were rushed and I went along. I trusted when I should have questioned and I derived all of my self worth from someone who eventually avoided paying me compliments. I wasn't a whole person and I crumbled. I crumbled when I discovered he began an emotional relationship with a woman from his high school years who happened to be engaged. I confronted him. I felt hysterical. I was hurt. In time, after doing my best to seek help for my emotional pain, anxiety, lack of sleep and self harm, there was an opening to start therapy. I established that I wasn't going to step aside for anyone else and become second in my own marriage. He said he didn't want to be married any more. He was flat and emotionless. I was torn for a few months. I was even more heartbroken after my sweet dog passed away with cancer. Now that my relationship is over, I feel a great deal of peace. I don't hate him anymore and I'm willing to be polite if not kind. Now, I only pity him. If he ever apologized, it would be more for him than it would be for me. He can call me whatever names he wants. He can play darts and use a picture of my face to do so. It doesn't matter to me. I have closure. I may have tarnished his reputation by talking about my experience but he tarnished his reputation by cheating on his wife in the first place. According to him, he didn't even want to get married in the first place. He'd still have his stuff if he had spoken up. 11:32 p.m. - 2013-08-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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