How long hve I known Paul? Hmm, maybe about...four years. Our conversations did not deepen until the end of my senior year. Around the time I first profiled him. We would IM via AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) for hours on into the night, many allnighters.
I remember one night he opened up to me more than before. We talked about many things I wasn't so prepared to hera about or be aware of about him. That night I let him know I had feelings for him. I had never out right let someone know that sort of thing. Although it was over the Internet, it flet like a big step for me.
Paul was gentle, he graciously took my admittance and kindly let me know he felt flattered. He said he liked me too but he didn't want to be in any relationships for a while. I wasn't hurt, I felt proud of myself for telling him.
We continued to talk by phone and AIM. In July, after I graduated and one day after my birthday I took a train from Hutchinson to Albuquerque to visit my friends for three weeks. Paul was to meet me at the station with Tysh, Miranda, and Breanne. I felt nervous, I hadn't seen him in a long while (and my best memory of him was when he threw an empty water bottle at me during lunch one year). When I did see him he gave me a hug. We were to go camping that tday (a bunch of us) but plans fell through. So, Miranda and Breanne parted from us at Tysh's house, from there I think we went bowling with some people...like Michael and Justin from across town. Afterwards, some of us went to Applebee's. Where we were served by a guy in a hat. While there, Paul accidentally broke one of my hiar sticks in his mouth, I wonder if he still has it. Probably, I bet it's lost under some stuff.
Later, back at Tysh's house, he and I laid down on Tysh's bed, just being close. After Tysh went down to see a movie we stayed rather quiet. He held me closer and kissed me. This was a very special kiss because he happened to give me my very first kiss. Around 3:00AM he decided he had to leave to walk home, I gave him a flashlight to use.
Sunday, over the phone he asked me to be his girlfriend. On Tuesday we went with some friends to go swing dancing, but we just sat and talked. The whole time I was there we spent much of it together, walking, talking, listening to music (he gave me Franz Ferdinand and the Shins for my birthday, I gave him various items and made him two t-shirts for his birthday--we were born a year and 8 days apart). I even spent one night at his house (sleeping in his brother's room). We did a lot together. The last night I was in town he spent with me. Quinn was with us too. The two of them made me laugh when I needed to pee...so, I peed my pants. Paul stayed with me until we had to drop him off back at his house, since the train was late I called him to talk on the pay phone. I wish I didn't have to leave.
We continued to talk on the phone, conversations became even more personal. Around the beginning of October he ended the relationship for various reasons and for the same reason he didn't want to get into a relationship months before. I was upset for a while. We continued talking almost daily and into the morning.
It wasn't until December that I went to visit again. I gifted him a Fabio t-shirt I made and some other items for Christmas. We didn't hang out as much that time and slowly we talked less on the phone.
Yet, he has helped me a lot, with his advice and outlook on life, he shared his life with me. I vented to him about decidint a major. I told him about my family troubles.
I know he is generous, but will not let people walk all over him. He loves art and its various forms. He drums and always seeks improvement. He's got a musky smell to him. We found a wheel chair (back in May) while walking at night. His hair is growing long. He still has not put up the Deftones poster I have to him. He's opinionated. He would give me stuff he found.
I care about Paul and I hope that comes out in this post.
10:21 p.m. - 2005-10-15