I have not added an entry for quite some time. Over two weeks. Well, I recently returned from a two week vacation where I went to visit friends in Albuquerque for one week and family in Las Cruces for the other week. I drove from Tucumcari, New Mexico into Albuquerque. At first I was only going to spend a few days in Albuquerque. I arrived Thursday afternoon and was to leave for Las Cruces on Sunday morning. I had hopes of making the best of it and seeing as many friends as I could. On Friday I had recieved news from my mom saying she wished to leave a day early to be with my pregnant sister. The baby was due that Saturday. I did not wish to leave so soon and I was lucky enough to know that my friend Miranda was going to travel down to Cruces the following week.
So, my narration/summary: I stayed at Tysh's house as usual in the abandoned-by-her-older-sister room upstairs. I spent Thursday afternoon at Dietrich's house so he could fix my computer. And he did! I left his house with Al and his girlfriend, Elizabeth, to pick up Tysh at her house and go to the mall to eat at Jonny Rocket's. We talked and messed with the little jukeboxes to hear some oldies we wanted. Afterwards we went to Al's house to hang out. He showed us his wall that had pictures representing a phallus. We also gawked at disgusting photos and one video of a woman "giving birth" to a squid in a tub. It was awful. Al then dropped Tysh and I off at her house to be ready to be picked up by our friend Jessie and drive to a waffle dinner at someone's house. It was fun. I had a good time dispite being around strangers. We played games like Apples to Apples. I nearly won. It was quite funny to play. We were dropped off late at night and I felt so tired.
The following day: hmm, that afternoon I did not want to go to a baseball game to see the Isotopes ("go Dukes") play. I stayed behind and attempted to make arrangements with Paul to hang out. Eventually, I was able to. Someone had to go to Tysh's house to pick me up (I was carless there). At Paul's house I was at least able to be around other people, even though I didn't know them. It was harder to get a conversation going because I wasn't finding an opening to do so. It's gotta work on both sides. So, later that night I took a walk with Paul. We didn't walk far. Just to sit at an elementary school up the street. We sat on a little, blue picnic table and talked about some current events. The wind was starting to pick up and I didn't have my jacket. I commented about my decision to not wear my jacket that was in Tysh's house. Paul then scooted closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I did not resist. He rubbed my arms and commented on my goosebumps. I knew he was facing me, so I looked up, and he kissed me. I kissed him back. I did not resist when he proceeded to push me down onto the table. I know what you're thinking, but it did not happen there. The table was too public. We then moved further to the left to a bench near a tree. Lying down on that did not work too well. We then moved across the yard onto some grass. We continued to kiss. I did proceed to kiss him in other areas...if you know what I mean (I think I keep the most graphic of details to myself). We then walked across the yard into a sort of "alley" area with a sandy floor. There I did give my virginity to my ex-boyfriend. Yes, there was a condom involved. Yes, we had talked about it before, it did not just happen. I did enjoy it but the surroundings took away from it, gravel is uncomfortable. We then walked around more until going back to his house. It was too late to get a ride back to Tysh's house so I stayed the night there. I had done so once before but this time I slept on the floor. Paul had other people sleeping over and even one guy had dibs on sharing Paul's bed with Paul. Awkward but funny. In the morning about seven of us went to IHOP for breakfast. I was able to get some things from Tysh's house incase I spent the night there again. That day plans were suppose to take place but nothing but sitting around happened. A few of us watched my Anchorman dvd. Then I drew a picture to keep from being bored. I rented that prequal to the Exorsist but I wasn't all that impressed. During the movie Paul rested his head on my leg to sleep. While he slept I stroked his hair. That night I had to call Jessie and Tysh to pick me up because I was not allowed to spend the night there again because of Paul's dad.
The next day was Sunday. I woke up, showered, and went to church with Tysh and Jessie. Afterwards we went to lunch with Jessie's family and a pretty cool guy named Knate. We ate at Panda Express and ran some errands. I then watched them (Jessie, Jessie's brother Danny, Tysh, another guy named Paul, and Knate) play soccer. I took pictures and carried on with my thoughts. Spencer was trying to make plans with us and it finally happened that night. Jessie dropped Tysh and I off at his dad's house. There, Spencer and I decided to cook. We called Al to come over and the four of us went to Smith's to buy what I needed to make lo mien. While we were there Al sprayed Tysh with a hose. I have silent video of it. We went back to Spencer's house. Spencer made sushi while I cooked. We then sat down to a "romantic" dinner with chop sticks and drank green tea while we talked about the strange people we've seen around town like "Short Shorts". Spencer accidentally broke something of glass in the kitchen. So, to replace it, we travelled to Wal-Mart. We could not find what we were looking for, but we did find chain saws to play with and other fun toys. Upon leaving Wal-Mart we drove in circles around a chained tent at the Home Depot and I pointed out the area where I accidentally peed my pants having told the story to Al (who had not heard it). A red sports car had ruined our progress around the tent...so we followed it. The driver tried to lose us by driving fast...that didn't happen. Al and Tysh began to say that what we were doing was bad and that we should stop. I didn't agree. At a stoplight we finally let the driver go. Instead, we drove across town to go to a porn shop. Al had never been to one. We went to Pussycat Video. There we just wanted to look around, perhaps Spencer would buy something. The man behind the counter gave us many demonstrations of the items there. He showed us the dildos, vibrators, the different videos, cock rings, the lubes, and some other stuff that tasted good (which I purchased). We spent two hours there. When we left Spencer had purchased two VHS imports. One from Japan the other from Europe. By then Al wanted to go home. So, Tysh, Spencer and I watched the Asian porn first. We got about half of it done before putting in the other tape. I didn't get very far into it before I fell asleep. I would occationally wake up to hearing repeated moans coming from the T.V. Tysh and I slept on the floor while Spencer had the bed. Nothing happened between us. Nothing happened the last time we did that.
In the morning Spencer and I were up first. We just sat around talking and playing with weights (or Spencer juggled). In the afternoon we woke up Tysh so we could go to Cibola High School to find our friend Quinn who is a freshman there (soon to be sophomore). We were unable to find him so we just went to his house. But before I continue with that, I went to talk to my sophomore honors English teacher, Mr. Romero for a short while to sort of "catch up"...ok, back to Quinn's house: Colin was already there and I got to see Bridget, Quinn's mom. We talked for a bit and then we (minus Bridget) went to Subway. We ate there and Spencer stuffed a cookie into Quinn's mouth. When we left, went to Best Buy, and then Colin departed from us and we, with Quinn, went back to Spencer's house to watch more porn. We read to each other from "The Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex", laughed about the porn, and talked. We then dropped off Quinn back at his house and then back to Tysh's so she and I could take showers. The plan was to go to a birthday party at the Bubble Lounge where people can smoke hooka. At first I was so-so about going. I tried to see if my friend from across town, Justin, would meet up with me there but he was too tired. I then called Paul to say hello when he asked me if I wanted to go over. I said yes and went to go tell Spencer that I was not going. Spencer coaxed out the real reason why I didn't not wish to go. The porn was partly to blaim. I then went back into the house to tell Tysh. She wasn't too happy but she didn't try to convince me otherwise. I took a shower and called Paul back. He was having second thoughts because it was so late and those with cars at his house had school the next day. Finally, he was able to go and get me. Not much happened there. We did go for another walk. We also did the same thing we did during the previous "walk". Afterwards we walked around dispite his infected toe and the pain from it. During most of the walk he talked and his mind was elsewhere. I could understand his concern that he had for a younger friend of his but I also felt left out. I admitted that and felt exposed by it. I would have appreciated some more acknowledgment to me being there or at least more two way communication instead of just something one way or something I could only listen to and not speak up in. He is still keeping me at a distance. He does not want me to become attached to him and he does not want to feel that in return. Yet, it aggrivates me to see that I've got a wall infront of me when above anything physical I just want to be his friend and to be treated like one. And somehow my other friends view him as disgusting. They find enjoyment in saying negative things about him. I do not agree. I do not see what they see. Well, later on that night I call Tysh and Spencer so that I can go back to Tysh's house.
The next day is Tuesday. In the evening Tysh and I go with Knate across town to swing dancing. I didn't do much there. I sat around mostly and danced twice. Once with Knate and other time with a cute stranger who gave me some tips on what to do. I do know the basic swing step but I did not venture to ask anyone. I had an ok time there. I again spotted my freshman Biology teacher and avoided him. Tysh and I went back home after that.
Wednesday. This day was Tysh's graduation at 7:00 in the evening. She invited her family and some friends or the parents of her friends. The graduation was informal and I got to sit with Tysh and the other graduating students. Miranda was there and so was Kevin Burns. After the graduation and many pictures we went to the movies to watch Kingdom of Heaven because Tysh wanted to see it. A lot of Star Wars fans were waiting in line to see a preview. Many were in costume. Since my funds were low a friend of Tysh's spotted me some extra bills and Miranda bought me an Icee. We watched the movie and had a good time. After the movie just Tysh, Kevin, the guy who spotted me--Keith, and I went to IHOP. We saw Spencer and his friend Bill there. We ate and then dropped off Keith to then go back to Tysh's house to sleep.
The next day was my last full day there. I began the day by taking a feverishly hot walk down a street called Ellison-McMahon with Tysh because she wished to buy a skirt from Old Navy at the mall. So, we played the licence plate game where we spot and declare out-of-town licence plates and then we fist the other person in the arm. We didn't punch hard though. At the end of the street Kevin picked us up and we went to the mall. Tysh got her items, we saw Dietrich there, and I made arrangements to go to Paul's house. I didn't want to go with Tysh to dinner with some people. So, after dropping off Tysh, Kevin dropped me off at Paul's house. We didn't do much. He had to take a shower. Then one of his friends came over and asked to take a walk with him and talk about some things. So, I sort of "hung out" with his 17-year-old brother. Then he took a shower. So, I called Al. I talked to him for a bit and invited him over and gave him directions. Then Paul returned. I sat in their living room looking at a yearbook and pointing out a few people I know with Paul's brother. Their dad also talked to me and I felt he was more comfortable with me. Al arrived. The three of us (Al, Paul, and myself) went to IHOP. I wished Zio's was open though. It was later in the day but I knew Paul had been talking about wanting to go out to eat. So, I was back at IHOP. We ate and reminiced about old times and talked about our friends. Eventually we left IHOP and went to the part across from Tysh's house because Al wanted to be home shortly after 1:00 in the morning. I resisted but I knew I couldn't do much. On the jungle gym we sat and talked about religion. It was then time for them to leave. Al took Paul home as I went inside Tysh's house. Tysh was not home yet. I watched some T.V. and in an hour's time she arrived. We then went to bed.
The next morning was sluggish. She and I watched T.V. after getting up. I got my stuff together and waited for Miranda so we could drive to Las Cruces. After 3:00 P.M. she arrived and we left.
The following week in Las Cruces will be added later.
10:33 p.m. - 2005-05-28